


where to start, a journey of the heart

by mollivanders



Category: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Genderbending, Just Married, Kissing, Married Characters, Regency Romance, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 03:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19123405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollivanders/pseuds/mollivanders
Summary: “I wonder where you are taking me, Elizabeth,” Frederica said, her hand tightening in Elizabeth’s, and Elizabeth heart warmed as she traced a pattern across her hand.“Far away,” she laughed, and as their next turn took them out of sight of the house, she stopped and took Frederica’s other hand, looking up at her. “Away with you, if your pride will allow it.”She drew a quick breath as Frederica stepped closer, the distance between them closing to nothing, and after an unsteady moment where Elizabeth thought she would insist they return to the house, Frederica lifted her hands to gently frame Elizabeth’s face.“I wish it,” she replied, as playful tonight as Elizabeth, and the smile that lit up her face did more to repair Elizabeth’s spirits than anything else that evening.





	where to start, a journey of the heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anghraine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anghraine/gifts).



> Anghraine requested "f!Darcy/f!Elizabeth + pride" as part of my [2019 Pride Giveaway](https://ladytharen.tumblr.com/post/185297928479/happy-pride-month-to-celebrate-for-the-month). I used the name Frederica for Darcy from anghraine's fic with f!Darcy [here](https://anghraine.tumblr.com/post/74328268804/so-i-wrote-fdarcyelizabeth-one-time-i-mean). Set in the interlude between engagement and Pemberley. Title purloined from Austen's Pride finale song.
> 
>  _Elizabeth did all she could to shield him from the frequent notice of either [Mrs. Bennet or Mrs. Phillips], and was ever anxious to keep him to herself, and to those of her family with whom he might converse without mortification; and though the uncomfortable feelings arising from all this took from the season of courtship much of its pleasure, it added to the hope of the future; and she looked forward with delight to the time when they should be removed from society so little pleasing to either, to all the comfort and elegance of their family party at Pemberley._ (Chapter 60)

For all the pleasures of courtship, Elizabeth could not yet count this evening among them. The invitation to Lucas Lodge had come with the expectation of the shock of her neighbors – but it was one thing to imagine it, and entirely another to endure it. 

Even now, the mortification across Miss Darcy’s face was visible from across the room, trapped between Mrs. Phillips and Mrs. Bennet together. For her part, Elizabeth was helpless to intervene, thwarted by a sea of relatives and neighborhood acquaintances eager to congratulate her on her lucky match. She was _not_ , however, without resources, and with providential luck caught the eye of Mrs. Collins who stood nearer to the disaster. In one moment, Charlotte had moved towards Frederica and in another pulled her away from Mrs. Phillips in an effort of faux inquiries about the staircases at Pemberley. Elizabeth’s eyes met Frederica’s and smiled faintly, her heart beating rapidly as they met halfway, hands tangling together and – for the moment – free of friendly entrapments.

After thanking Charlotte for her rescue, the couple melted into the shadows. Elizabeth led the way, leading them away from the overpowering crowds and bright lights of Lucas Lodge into the deepening twilight. A rosy sunset hung at the edge of the horizon, pink wine slipping into a bed of velvet, the only sound their steps across the gravel path, garden lamps their only light.

“I wonder where you are taking me, Elizabeth,” Frederica said, her hand tightening in Elizabeth’s, and Elizabeth heart warmed as she traced a pattern across her hand.

“Far away,” she laughed, and as their next turn took them out of sight of the house, she stopped and took Frederica’s other hand, looking up at her. “Away with you, if your pride will allow it.”

She drew a quick breath as Frederica stepped closer, the distance between them closing to nothing, and after an unsteady moment where Elizabeth thought she would insist they return to the house, Frederica lifted her hands to gently frame Elizabeth’s face.

“I wish it,” she replied, as playful tonight as Elizabeth, and the smile that lit up her face did more to repair Elizabeth’s spirits than anything else that evening. It was more than reason enough to turn to kiss Frederica’s palm, and though she did not miss the sharp intake of breath, she hardly hoped for more.

(By now, she must know she could hope.)

“Elizabeth,” she said shakily, as if that name cut through the last frayed thread of Darcy respectability. It pulled Elizabeth to her and Frederica bent lower, catching her in a soft kiss filled with aching and promise. Elizabeth wobbled, hands falling to Frederica’s waist as she leaned closer, wanting _more_ – before sighing in a fall as the kiss ended.

(It had lasted all of three heartbeats, and it had tilted her world askew.)

She had imagined – well, she had imagined plenty. The knowledge that dreams were far surpassed by life was more than reassuring; it was a gift.

“We cannot stay here,” Elizabeth whispered, not wishing to break the spell, not desiring to leave this spot and what it promised, but knowing they must. Frederica only smiled.

“Time enough later, Elizabeth,” she offered – and stepped back, her breathing as unsteady as Elizabeth’s.

(For now - they took the longer path home, and spoke of Pemberley, and dreams to come.)

+

As much approbation as her family had lent to the match, there were some things Mrs. Bennet would not outright countenance – and private walks without Kitty were newly at the top of the list.

“Mother,” Elizabeth tried, glancing at Frederica with a pained expression, “why are you – ” 

But Mrs. Bennet would brook no disagreement. Perhaps the marriage of her youngest daughter had left her with deeper anxieties after all, but in any event, the two engaged couples were doomed to her front parlor for the time being.

“This is ridiculous,” Elizabeth whispered under her breath as Mrs. Bennet left the room. “We could get into as much trouble alone here as - ”

“ _Lizzy_ ,” Jane protested, and Frederica pressed a kiss to Elizabeth’s bent hand to hide a smile. 

“There are other amusements,” Mr. Bingley offered, looking around the room. “Perhaps a game of whist?”

“We shall leave you and Jane to it,” Elizabeth said promptly, standing up and taking Frederica’s hand. “I believe I have yet to show you the library at Longbourn, Miss Darcy.”

An inelegant snort came from the direction of where Jane and Mr. Bingley were setting up but Frederica was at her side in a moment, intoning her agreement.

“I know how fond you are of reading,” Frederica murmured conspiratorially, her voice brushing against Elizabeth’s ear and sending a shiver down her spine.

“We’re not going to the library,” Elizabeth stated, and slipped down the servant’s staircase. Frederica stood at the top, looking down at her doubtfully until Elizabeth sighed and extended her hand. “I’m taking you to the still room to get wine for supper.”

“Why not the library?” Frederica asked, re-joining her, and Elizabeth smiled up at her playfully.

“Were you interested in speaking with my father?” she teased. “His office is in the library.”

“Ah. As much – no.”

The still room was empty upon their entry and Elizabeth laid out the necessaries before turning to smile at Frederica.

“An important task,” her fiancée suggested, moving closer, and Elizabeth stepped back a fraction, bumping into the prep table.

“The most essential,” Elizabeth agreed, and when Frederica stepped even closer she found her eyes hooded, her senses luxuriating in her current surroundings. 

“We won’t be disturbed?” Frederica asked, her hands slipping to Elizabeth’s waist as Elizabeth looked up at her, hopeful anticipation their guard against intruders.

“Not for a while,” Elizabeth answered, and pulled Frederica to her into a heady kiss. One of Frederica’s hands fell from her waist to brace on the table and an unfamiliar sound escaped Elizabeth, one that impelled Frederica to lift her up, belly twisting in warm surprise, and settle her safely onto the table. She barely heard Frederica’s murmur of assurance before her hands returned to Elizabeth’s waist and though the kiss might still be said to chaste, nothing of the scene would appear to be. When Elizabeth parted her lips under Frederica’s, hands lifting to tangle in her lover’s coiled hair, Frederica stumbled forward, pushing Elizabeth down with the weight of her body, a pleased moan slipping from her as Elizabeth pushed herself closer – and the table scraping back loudly with effort.

The shock of the sound froze them both, out of breath and in complete dishabille. It wouldn’t matter if they were engaged if they were caught like this. The gossip would be all over Netherfield by dawn.

“Elizabeth,” Frederica said, her voice mournful, but Elizabeth was still catching her breath, heart running faster than ever before. Frederica’s hands had moved to her legs when the table had moved and the heat twisting in Elizabeth was unfamiliar but very welcome, and yet very much not permitted. Yet.

“We should – your – ”

Elizabeth could not find her words, so Frederica pulled herself up and then assisted Elizabeth back to standing. With a wry smile, she tucked a loose strand of Elizabeth’s hair back into place.

“Time enough,” she said again – if only time would move a little faster.

+

The rattle of the carriage wheels drew Elizabeth from a light slumber against Frederica’s side, her wife’s arm still curled around her. She had dozed off as they left the Lake Counties – seen at last, a honeymoon journey that could never have lasted long enough – and by now, she surmised, they must be close to Derbyshire, if not Pemberley itself.

“Are we near home?” she asked quietly, so as not to startle Frederica, and was blessed with a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

“Close,” Frederica answered. “We have just turned down the main path.” She pulled the carriage curtain aside for Elizabeth to see, and as if for the first time again, Elizabeth drank in the splendor of the Darcy family home. 

“I would not have missed it,” Elizabeth said, pensive, and felt Frederica’s gaze upon her. “Will Georgiana be there?”

“Indeed,” Frederica said, and her mouth quirked. “Her last letter promised to stay up for our arrival.”

The carriage came to a smooth stop in front of the main gate, with just enough light in the day left to catch the ripples of the cultured front pool. A few short moments later, Elizabeth was across the mantle and fully mistress of Pemberley. After a warm welcome, and a warm goodnight, from Georgiana, Frederica led the way upstairs, guiding Elizabeth through the rooms not open to public visits. There was Frederica’s bedroom, and another just for her, but they had already discussed what was for appearances sake, and what was not. Their luggage was already unpacked; a marvel of Pemberley.

Frederica paused at the bed, her arm curling around one of the four posters.

“I hope it is still to your satisfaction,” she said quietly, and Elizabeth drew closer, standing on her toes to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. She was rewarded with Frederica’s arms around her waist, and breathed deeply, resting her head on her wife’s chest.

“You are my satisfaction,” she said just as quietly, and felt Frederica relax under her hands. “But Pemberley is as unequaled as ever.”

“I am very glad,” Frederica said. The rest of the house was very quiet, but Frederica’s eyes on Elizabeth weighed volumes. She could feel it as if a live wire connected them together; a month together had done nothing to diminish her yearning. “I dreamed of you here, but I have not…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I am overjoyed you are here, Elizabeth.” She paused again. “And unspeakably proud to be your wife.”

It is as it was when they first wed – Frederica’s shaking hands holding her, overwhelmed. Elizabeth could not pretend her state of mind or being was any different. She could not think of that first night without perfect joy, nor with fresh anticipation for the life before them, the rapid beat of Frederica’s heart joined by her own. She could not but think of this night in the same way.

Reaching up to the pins holding Frederica’s hair in place, she pulled them out one by one, dropping them in deliberate succession. The metal pins hit the floor with a soft _clang_ and Frederica’s eyes never left her own. As the last pin dropped from Elizabeth’s grasp, the curtain of Frederica’s glittering dark hair came tumbling down across her shoulders, catching the light. Elizabeth curled a lock around her fingers with utter fondness, watched intently.

“As am I,” Elizabeth said, and rested her palm against Frederica’s heart. “More than even I ever dreamed I could be. I am, with you.”

Frederica’s eyes were warm, and above all, mirrored the happiness Elizabeth knew was in hers.

“God bless you, Elizabeth,” she said, and sealed the benediction with a kiss. 

(Outside their window, in the joyous night of Pemberley, the future stretched out both hands, inviting.)

Elizabeth could only answer her with all the love between them, a song of joy and hope, and Frederica’s same reply moved them beyond speech, and into the realm where only true lovers wander.

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> You're damn right, "God bless you" is a reference to The Letter and is complete fanservice.


End file.
